Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
