i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
