There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
