You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
