Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
