You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
