she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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