oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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