i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
