Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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