that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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