so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
