if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
