I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
