I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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