I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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