I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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