I puked a lego.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
