Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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