1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
