so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
