"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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