Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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