I heard we made out
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
