Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
