i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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