Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it glows. i had to have it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
