I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
