Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
