used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You smell like stripper and shame
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
