he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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