I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
