I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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