I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
