i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
