So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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