You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
