i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
