I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
