dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Boobs speak an international language.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
