if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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