You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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