ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
