Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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