Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
