I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
