question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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