Is it normal to miss your booty call?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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