Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
