I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
