YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
