Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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