My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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