I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
