I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
