True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so much tequila, so little girl.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
