last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
