I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
