when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MIDGETS
????
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
