She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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