some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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